Denouement

The other day I was preparing for a windsurfing test, one I wasn't totally confident I would pass. A couple days before I thought to myself "why not take it easy for a day, and instead of practicing at the very limit of my abilities why not remind myself why I like this in the first place?"

it was a disaster

I went up to a larger size board hoping for a relaxed and easy time. Instead, every fall felt personal and every success was mundane and unrewarding. Of course I can tack on a 190 liter board. I can tack on a 160! (most of the time). By making things easier(physically) I made them harder for myself(emotionally).

I think basically I have set up most of the hobbies that I find really rewarding as like, not quite type 2 fun but perhaps type 1.8 fun. Windsurfing is mostly uphauling over and over in swells you can't quite balance on and a single moment of transcendent skipping over water or actually gybing without falling perhaps every hour.

I'm not sure what point I'm even trying to make here. "If you ain't falling you ain't learning" and the real joy of learning something new is in learning, perhaps? If you like type 2 fun don't try and have type 1 fun it won't work? If you're frustrated with something, have you tried making it harder?

moral

Perhaps in five years I'll have psychically digested this into something worth saying. Enjoy this wisdom cud. Or don't, I'm not your mom.

PS

I passed easily, I was worried for nothing.